Keith's article from FBC Keller's Lifeline
Keith wrote this article for our church's quarterly newsletter. EK's autism diagnosis was just over 10 years ago and Keith shares a bit of our journey. It looks much prettier on the church website, if you want to view it there. Lifeline Spring 2019
Jesus is described in the Gospel of John as, “the Light of men.” The primary function of light is to expose what is hidden. A night-light, for example, helps us to avoid tripping hazards in our bedroom. Through His omniscience, Jesus exposed the wickedness of the people with whom He interacted. The problem was, most of those people did not appreciate having their sin exposed. In fact, the scripture says that men love darkness rather than light because their deeds are evil. Whereas darkness in the Bible almost always symbolizes evil and ignorance, light almost always symbolizes goodness and knowledge. Sometimes, however, God exposes the truth by means that we don’t immediately understand or comprehend as good. Ten years ago, my wife, Melissa, and I were informed by a very excellent doctor that our oldest daughter, Emma Kate, was profoundly autistic. For the first two and a half years of her life, she developed normally. She walked and talked and sang songs. Soon, however, we noticed subtle changes in her behavior. When we took our concerns to our pediatrician, he told us that we were overanxious first-time parents, and we believed him. As Emma’s regression continued, we began doing online research and came to the conviction that she was autistic. We scheduled a series of examinations at a renowned medical facility and awaited their diagnosis. We had prepared ourselves for the fact that Emma would be cognitively delayed, but the doctor’s words were delivered with the subtlety of a sledgehammer. She said, “Emma is autistic, and it is devastating.” That was a sentence that changed our lives, and our family, forever. Up until that point, our plan had been to get the best therapies and tutors that we could afford to help Emma Kate overcome her cognitive delays. In truth, we tried just about every known type of therapy and service but Emma continued to regress. She spoke less and less and finally ceased to speak altogether. We have not heard our sweet girl’s voice in many years. Looking back, those were some dark and difficult days. Little did we know at the time, but God would expose some wonderful truths about Himself and His people through those days that have sustained us over the past decade. I have attempted to distill the lessons we have learned through Emma’s autism journey below.
1. God can be trusted. I always knew that, intellectually. In fact, I said it frequently from the pulpit and in hospital rooms and funeral parlors to our church members. It was through personal experience and heartache that Melissa and I came to truly understand it. God always does what is right.
2.Our marriage commitment is real. When Melissa and I got married, we promised each other that we would stay together through good times and bad and in sickness or health. Like most couples, we were probably a little naïve about how hard life and marriage would be. If we were naïve before Emma’s diagnosis, we soon were awakened to reality. As Emma continued to regress, she became more and more socially withdrawn. She was overwhelmed by the presence of strangers and was prone to emotional outbursts for reasons that were unclear to us. The result was that for several years we were unable to have guests in our home or even go out as a family for a meal. God has been gracious, and, over time, Emma has overcome many of her fears. She goes to school and church and is generally a happy and healthy girl. She loves to ride her therapy horse and to be around other children at church. Melissa and I are thankful for those difficult years because they helped us to learn to trust one another as husband and wife. I am in constant awe of my wife. How a person so small in stature can have so much strength is one of God’s great mysteries.
3.Our Extended family is strong. Melissa and I both grew up in wonderful Christian homes. Through this experience with Emma Kate, we have learned that our extended families are stronger than we could have imagined. Without the assistance of our parents, as well as aunts and uncles and cousins, we would not be able to give Emma Kate the care that she needs. I certainly would not be able to pastor such a large and dynamic church. God has blessed us with three additional children since Emma’s birth. I am amazed how God gives each of them a seemingly inherent understanding of their sister’s special needs, and a desire to protect her.
4.Our church family is amazing. For ten years, the First Baptist Church Keller family has walked beside our family in our care for Emma. I can not begin to name all the wonderful people that have showed our daughter kindness by taking care of her so that we could continue to serve in other areas in the church. We are forever thankful to every single person who has comforted her when she was sad or walked the halls with her when she was overstimulated or hugged her when she was crying for reasons no one could discern.
5.There are needs all around us. Ten years ago, I would have found it very difficult to relate to families with special needs children. God, in His sovereignty, decided to teach our family some wonderful lessons through some circumstances that we would have never chosen. Out of necessity, we have become acquainted with a large network of families in our area who face similar circumstances. God has been gracious to open many avenues of ministry to these families. In the process, He has made Melissa and me more empathetic to others and, hopefully, made me a better pastor.
Rev. Keith Sanders
Jesus is described in the Gospel of John as, “the Light of men.” The primary function of light is to expose what is hidden. A night-light, for example, helps us to avoid tripping hazards in our bedroom. Through His omniscience, Jesus exposed the wickedness of the people with whom He interacted. The problem was, most of those people did not appreciate having their sin exposed. In fact, the scripture says that men love darkness rather than light because their deeds are evil. Whereas darkness in the Bible almost always symbolizes evil and ignorance, light almost always symbolizes goodness and knowledge. Sometimes, however, God exposes the truth by means that we don’t immediately understand or comprehend as good. Ten years ago, my wife, Melissa, and I were informed by a very excellent doctor that our oldest daughter, Emma Kate, was profoundly autistic. For the first two and a half years of her life, she developed normally. She walked and talked and sang songs. Soon, however, we noticed subtle changes in her behavior. When we took our concerns to our pediatrician, he told us that we were overanxious first-time parents, and we believed him. As Emma’s regression continued, we began doing online research and came to the conviction that she was autistic. We scheduled a series of examinations at a renowned medical facility and awaited their diagnosis. We had prepared ourselves for the fact that Emma would be cognitively delayed, but the doctor’s words were delivered with the subtlety of a sledgehammer. She said, “Emma is autistic, and it is devastating.” That was a sentence that changed our lives, and our family, forever. Up until that point, our plan had been to get the best therapies and tutors that we could afford to help Emma Kate overcome her cognitive delays. In truth, we tried just about every known type of therapy and service but Emma continued to regress. She spoke less and less and finally ceased to speak altogether. We have not heard our sweet girl’s voice in many years. Looking back, those were some dark and difficult days. Little did we know at the time, but God would expose some wonderful truths about Himself and His people through those days that have sustained us over the past decade. I have attempted to distill the lessons we have learned through Emma’s autism journey below.
1. God can be trusted. I always knew that, intellectually. In fact, I said it frequently from the pulpit and in hospital rooms and funeral parlors to our church members. It was through personal experience and heartache that Melissa and I came to truly understand it. God always does what is right.
2.Our marriage commitment is real. When Melissa and I got married, we promised each other that we would stay together through good times and bad and in sickness or health. Like most couples, we were probably a little naïve about how hard life and marriage would be. If we were naïve before Emma’s diagnosis, we soon were awakened to reality. As Emma continued to regress, she became more and more socially withdrawn. She was overwhelmed by the presence of strangers and was prone to emotional outbursts for reasons that were unclear to us. The result was that for several years we were unable to have guests in our home or even go out as a family for a meal. God has been gracious, and, over time, Emma has overcome many of her fears. She goes to school and church and is generally a happy and healthy girl. She loves to ride her therapy horse and to be around other children at church. Melissa and I are thankful for those difficult years because they helped us to learn to trust one another as husband and wife. I am in constant awe of my wife. How a person so small in stature can have so much strength is one of God’s great mysteries.
3.Our Extended family is strong. Melissa and I both grew up in wonderful Christian homes. Through this experience with Emma Kate, we have learned that our extended families are stronger than we could have imagined. Without the assistance of our parents, as well as aunts and uncles and cousins, we would not be able to give Emma Kate the care that she needs. I certainly would not be able to pastor such a large and dynamic church. God has blessed us with three additional children since Emma’s birth. I am amazed how God gives each of them a seemingly inherent understanding of their sister’s special needs, and a desire to protect her.
4.Our church family is amazing. For ten years, the First Baptist Church Keller family has walked beside our family in our care for Emma. I can not begin to name all the wonderful people that have showed our daughter kindness by taking care of her so that we could continue to serve in other areas in the church. We are forever thankful to every single person who has comforted her when she was sad or walked the halls with her when she was overstimulated or hugged her when she was crying for reasons no one could discern.
5.There are needs all around us. Ten years ago, I would have found it very difficult to relate to families with special needs children. God, in His sovereignty, decided to teach our family some wonderful lessons through some circumstances that we would have never chosen. Out of necessity, we have become acquainted with a large network of families in our area who face similar circumstances. God has been gracious to open many avenues of ministry to these families. In the process, He has made Melissa and me more empathetic to others and, hopefully, made me a better pastor.
Rev. Keith Sanders
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