The Lord gives grace...

Once in a while people will say to me "I don't know how you do it." or "The Lord knew that you would be the perfect mom for EK". While I think these are said with sincere hearts, I also think people think much better of me than they should. Sometimes I want to say something sarcastic, but most of the time I say with a smile "It's really hard some days." I don't believe that God gave us EK because I'm such a great mom or because I have a teaching background or because I love kids. Two of the three statements are true. I taught 2nd grade for several years before becoming a full-time mom and I do love kids. However, I'm not a great mom. I love my children a lot, but I'm still a sinner (though saved by grace) and I'm selfish. I'm prone to lose my patience when things don't go how I want them to and I'm not always kind with my words. I don't always handle stress in a gracious way. I want to be left alone at times and my kids think that's the perfect time to have several needs. :)

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm far from perfect. It wasn't because I achieved a certain level in my christian walk, that it was easier to handle EK's autism. The Lord, in His sovereignty, has used EK's autism (and my husband and AC and AK) to mold me more into the image of Christ. He has stripped away much of my pride. I have learned to rely on His strength and wisdom, and truly believe that His ways are better than mine. And the Lord has given grace! He gave me the grace I needed to deal with EK's autism...not before it all happened, but at the time I needed it and each day since.

 Have you ever seen a family with lots of kids and you think "I couldn't stay sane with that many children?" I think the Lord gives a littler more grace with each child. If we thought we could have 6 kids (or however many you think is a lot) and do it well, we'd be doing it in our own strength. God wants us to rely on Him, to trust Him, to seek Him for the ability to do it well. Think about friends and family members who have had some horrible circumstances to go through: cancer, death of a spouse or child, miscarriage, abuse, divorce, an accident that left someone paralyzed. You don't know how you'll deal with really tough trials, until you're in them.

I've been thinking about this topic for a week or so now and today heard a sermon by Alistair Begg (one of my favorite pastors to listen to) entitled "Why Suffering?" (You can click on the title to hear the sermon, if you're interested.) I don't believe it coincidences. Here are a few things that the Holy Spirit impressed on my heart:
  • The same God who blesses us with a beautiful sunset, sometimes blesses us with the experience of suffering.
  • Christ doesn't always remove us from circumstances but He gives grace during it. (AMEN!)
  • Christians don't live free from suffering. We suffer like the world and still trust God. (What a testimony that is when we do!)
  • If we don't know how to suffer, how will anyone know how? (It's through our example of trusting God no matter how terrible our situation is, that makes a lost world wonder and question and want what we have.)
While my frail human mind doesn't understand it all, I do trust my all-knowing, all powerful, loving and merciful God. I know that God uses suffering for His glory and my good, and will continue to give me grace to face each day!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Autism Awareness Day

It's hard to believe this is our 10th Autism Awareness Day. Ironically, I also sat in EK's annual ARD this morning. To be honest, life is so busy right now that I haven't had time to think much about this day approaching. Maybe that's good. When I have too much time to think about how autism has changed our family's life, I sometimes get discouraged. When EK was first diagnosed in February 2009, we thought that if we got her in the right therapies, she'd start Kindergarten in a mainstream classroom. That was our goal and early on, it seemed doable. We changed her diet (which by the way, I don't regret at all. I truly believe it's helped her to be the happy child she is.), we did occupational therapy, speech therapy, ABA therapy, vitamins/supplements, school preschool program for kids with autism and many other things. Fast forward a few years  and we saw no real improvements. In fact, she stopped talking a few months before her 4th birthday. Those begin...
Read more

3 days in a row...

EK started back to preschool on Monday morning. After 2 weeks off for Christmas break, I was a little nervous about how sad she'd be when I dropped her off and how long it'd take her to get back in the routine. When I picked her up on Monday, I was SO relieved to hear that she hardly fussed that morning. She was happy all morning long! She participated in music therapy by playing the guitar. She worked on fine motor tasks with her teacher and she colored with a marker! This last thing is a BIG deal. For some reason, the past 6 months or so, she would NOT hold a writing utensil. I'm not sure if it's because I used to tell her constantly to not put it in her mouth or if it became a sensory thing or a control thing. Whatever the reason, she just wouldn't even try to hold a marker, pen, crayon, etc. If you put it in her hand, she'd drop it or throw it. We literally had to firmly hold her hand around the writing utensil to keep it in her hand long enough to scribble ...
Read more

3 months ago today...

Most of you who are reading this know what our family is going through right now. It was 3 months ago today that we took EK to a developmental pediatrician. We left there with a diagnosis of autism. Even though we knew it was coming, it was tough to swallow. We've done so much research, reading books, searching on the internet, and talking with those who've been down the same road. There is so much information out there. We're trying to be proactive and do all we can to help her live a normal life and I'm praying like I've never prayed before. She's still our sweet 3 year old daugher, our firstborn. Her diagnosis doesn't change our love for her. I'm not even sure it changes our dreams for her. We know that God is able to completely heal her, but regardless of the outcome, we know that our God has a plan for her that will bring Him glory. I'm so thankful to be the mama to EK and AC. They are such sweet blessings, even on the hard days. :)
Read more