4 years ago

Four years ago, on February 5,2009, our sweet EK received an offcial autism diagnosis. It was a sad day for sure. The doctor's words were ones that I knew were coming, yet they still stung and made my heart heavy. EK had just turned 3 the month before. She began attending the autism class in our school district going 3 hours, 5 days a week. We had started speech and occupational therapy right before she turned 3 as well. We started ABA (applied behavior analysis) the next month. I really thought that if we worked hard(got her into therapies, cleaned her diet, etc.), she would improve. Back then, our goal (or maybe a better word was our hope) was for her to be in mainstream kindergarten.

EK stopped talking in October 2009.  I was in denial at first, thinking that her speech loss was temporary. I was so diligent in praying for the Lord to restore her speech. Now that it's been over 3 years since I've heard her sweet voice, it's evident that this has been the Lord's plan for her. I still believe that the Lord is all-powerful and could heal her and I do pray for her to talk again, even if it's just so we can know her needs. But for reasons I probably won't know this side of Heaven, it hasn't been His Will. I also continue to research to see if scientists have made new discoveries that could help our sweet EK. We run testing periodically to see how her body is functioning and add vitamins/supplements to help. I am very careful about what foods she eats and try to reduce her toxic exposure, when it's in my control. Whether we see progress because God miraculously heals her or because we find ways to help her body and mind heal, we will give all praise to God.

I can honestly say that I would thrilled if the Lord took EK's autism. I love EK, but autism has robbed her of a lot of things. It is liked she's trapped inside her own body. Sometimes she will stare me down with her gaze and I only wish I knew what she was trying to tell me.

However, even though I strongly dislike autism, I can see how God has used it to sanctify me, make me more into the image of Christ and has shown Himself to me in ways I've never known before. I don't know how people go through trials and hardships (like autism or cancer or divorce or whatever your difficult situation might be) without Christ. It would seem utterly hopeless to me. There are times I am discouraged, disappointed, even upset, but God is so faithful to remind me that He is in control, that He loves EK (and me) more than I can imagine and that for His reason, autism is a part of our lives. I am so thankful that He walks this journey with us and I pray that out of all the difficulties autism brings to our family, that God receives the glory. EK has taught me so much and I love her immensely!

I love how God brings songs into my life when I need them. I LOVE music that allows me to worship my God and it's good for my soul to sing to Him, especially when I'm having a down day. I heard this song for the first day yesterday and I PRAY that I can say this with all honesty in the future. I want to say it and I am going to remind my heart of it's truth.

"The Perfect Wisdom of our God" is a song on the Getty's newest album. If you haven't checked out their music, you should! :)

Here are a few phrases of the song that really spoke to me....
O grant me wisdom from above,
To pray for peace and cling to love,
And teach me humbly to receive
The sun and rain of Your sovereignty.
Each strand of sorrow has a place
Within this tapestry of grace;
So through the trials I choose to say:
“Your perfect will in Your perfect way.”

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