What autism has taught me

Those of you who have read my blog for any length of time know that I don't like autism and how it has taken my sweet girl away. However, as much as I wish she'd wake up tomorrow, a typical 7 year old girl, I have learned some things the past four years while on this journey. Some things I know I couldn't have learned without autism. Let me share a couple with you.

• I am a better mom. I was one of those who really thought I'd be a good mom. I always loved being around kids and dreamed for years about being an elementary school teacher. I'm not one of those that had no idea what to do with kids when I first had EK. (I was a little clueless in the newborn stage, I'll admit.) I was excited to be a mom and thought it was going to be so much fun. Well, it is fun at times, but being a mom has taught me a lot. It's taught me how selfish I am, how my bad attitude affects the others around me, how I try to control things. It's also taught me to love unconditionally, make time for the important and eternal things and to show patience, even during crazy times. I'm far from perfect, but autism has definitely made me a better mom.
• I have learned to rely on the Lord more. I grew up in a christian home, went to church all my life and knew the Bible more than a lot of christians. But up until a few years ago, I had never really had my faith tried. My life was pretty good. Don't get me wrong, I had bad days, weeks, even months sometimes, but overall, my life was blessed with good things and people. And my life is still blessed with good things and people because the Lord is good and faithful, but there's a lot of pain and trials amid the blessings now. James 1:2-4 says "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produced steadfastness. And let steadfastness have it's full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." And that leads me to my next point.
• I have learned to be grateful for different things. I am thankful for different things, hopefully things that really matter. I am reminded that if all I can thank God for is my salvation, that I am not destined for Hell anymore because of Jesus's work on the cross for my sake, then Praise the Lord! It's easy here in Suburbia to see all that others have and compare. They have a bigger house, a nicer car, their kids seem perfect and excel in academics and sports, they get to go on trips all the time, etc. But I know that thinking that way only makes me unhappy with my circumstances and can lead to the sin of covetousness. So, what are the things I am thankful for? Well, besides my salvation, if I really stop to think about it, there are blessings all around me. I have a godly husband who's faithful to the wedding vows we made almost 10 years ago. He works very hard to provide for us. I have three beautiful children. The Lord has given me today. We have food in the fridge and pantry. Our family lives close by and my kids get to spend time with their grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins regularly. We have a church family that prays for us and supports us and encourages us. Sometimes it's the little things to be thankful for...my car started this morning when we wanted to run errands. EK didn't have an accident and need to be changed right when the bus came this morning. (That was yesterday.) AK took  2 hour nap this afternoon. AC didn't whine or complain when I asked her to help me fold clothes. We can all be more thankful, can't we?
• I have learned more about the character of God. This kind of goes back to how I grew up in church and knew a lot of things about the Bible, but they have become much more personal as I go through this journey. I completely believe that God is sovereign. (That all things are under his rule and control and that nothing happens without his direction or permission.) To know that God is in control over everything is comforting. While I may not like the circumstance I am in, I believe that God allowed us to go through this. Autism didn't surprise my God. He knew that she would regress into it. I also know that God is all-powerful and could heal sweet EK tomorrow, if it was His will. Whether she is healed in this life or not, I know she'll be restored in Heaven. I still pray for His healing on her mind and body, but I'm not angry with God when He doesn't do what I've asked. He's God and I'm not. Do you remember the story of Job? It says that he was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil. He was very wealthy, had a wife and 10 kids, lots of land and livestock and servants. God had blessed his life. Satan came to God and told him that Job only loved him because He had blessed him. The Lord gave Satan permission to take everything away from Job but to not touch Job himself. Satan took away his children, his livestock and most of his servants. At the end of Job 1, it says "Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. ²¹ And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” ²² In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong. WOW! I'm not sure I'd have the same attitude if all that happened to me.
• I have learned to do my own research. While there are some doctors who stay on the cutting edge, many are still puzzled by autism and don't give much hope. Since I know there are many kids with autism who make progress, I want the same for EK.  I have met other moms who are also affected by autism who have taught me a lot. These moms are strong women. I have learned so much from them,.We read books, research on-line, network together, share stories of treatments and therapies that have helped our child, etc. I am contstantly learning ways to try and help my EK. I have especially been encouraged by the moms who have a child with autism and who love the Lord. There's a special bond there and I'm grateful the Lord has surrounded me with these ladies. I believe the Lord has allowed these moms to cross my path to open my eyes to a new treatment/therapy that we haven't considered for EK before. It is one thing to read about a treatment/therapy, but it gives me a lot more peace to give something a try when I personally know a family (usually several) who have tried something. Of course, I don't want to just waste time and money (and there be a potential to harm EK) so I pray constantly for the Lord to give wisdom and discernment.

I'm sure there are other things the Lord has taught me through the difficulties of EK's autism, but these are the main ones I've been reminded of. I'm so thankful that the Lord is with us on this journey and I long for Heaven (as all christians should) for all the sadness, sickness and sin to be gone. Come, Lord Jesus!