A look back (Life before autism)

As I was preparing for our seminar at Charis Hills Camp, I thought back to our days before autism. I also had a friend post a picture of her daughter before she regressed.  I guess that also caused me to reminisce. I don't know if it's good or bad to do so. It makes me sad when I do, but I guess it's b/c I realize what we've lost. It's like the saying goes, "You don't know what you had until it's gone."  I wish I had savored EK's pre-autism days more. I just had no idea what the future had in store.

Here's a picture of her hugging me tight. Precious girl! I'd give anything for that. (This is when she was about 27 months old.)

One of me with EK. Look at her smiling and looking right at the camera. She's still a little over 2 years old. Many times she'd say "cheese" as well. :)

I love this one b/c she's holding AC's hands. Probably trying to play "ring-around-the-rosy" with her. I wish she'd try to interact with her sister and brother now, but it's like she doesn't know how. She'll watch them and smile at them or walk by and swat at them in a playful way.

I remember this moment. It was the 4th of July at my parents house. EK was 2 1/2 and she was teaching "ring around the rosy" to her cousin M.

The amazing thing to me about this picture is that EK is pointing with her RIGHT hand. For the past couple years, she's used her left hand and I can't remember the last time she pointed. She physically can't do it, unless you hold some of her fingers back. (She also can't do a pincer grasp unless you hold fingers back.) She's 2 1/2 here as well.

Sweet girl was playing the piano with my Grama. I love that she used to sit and play AND I love that she wasn't upset around my Grama. Both would be huge accomplishments today!

This was AC's first birthday and here's EK helping to unwrap presents. I can't remember the last time she was really interested in doing so. :( She'll pull a piece or two of tissue paper out of a bag but it's not b/c she cares about what's inside.

Again, helping to open presents. I wish I had been more excited about it, but I had no idea what the next year would bring....

Why do I share all these? Because a good cry for me is important every once in a while...to grieve the child we lost. I know it's not the same as physically losing a child, but there is a grieving process when you had a child that talked and played and interacted with you and it comes in waves for me. (Birthdays are usually the hardest b/c I see what a huge gap there is between EK and her peers.) and many of you didn't know EK when she did function like a typical child. I started the blog after her diagnosis. Even I had forgotten some of the "little" things she did. Thanking the Lord that I do have these memories but wishing so much that we could get some of them back.

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