A Bad Day...

Today is one of those days where EK's autism is SO real...no way to deny it. I've been wrestling with where we go from here for EK's sake. My main goal right now is to get EK talking. She lost all of her speech back in October (now 6 months ago!) and I desperately want it back! There have been a couple episodes this past week where she's screamed for more than 10 minutes and I have no idea why. Tonight was one of those times. I just wish I knew what caused it....hunger??(she had eaten dinner and a snack so I don't think that was the reason), tired?? (tried to put her to bed and that didn't work), the fact that we skipped a bath tonight?? (perhaps) It's so frustrating for her to not get what she wants and it's very frustrating for me b/c I'd give her what she wants, if I only knew.
So, what do I do to help? There are many things out there to try and we have done some of them. But how many things do we try? I know not everything is going to work for EK. We could pour lots of money into these things, but is that what the Lord wants us to do? I am torn between being a good steward of our money and wanting to do everything we can, if there's a chance she could talk again.
I am praying for wisdom and discernment. Seriously, with all that's out there, you have to as a parent. I know that EK's loss of speech didn't surprise God. He knew that this would happen. I also know that we didn't do something wrong and her loss of speech is a consequence to that. But it's hard to know how much to leave in the Lord's hands and how much we do on our part. Does that make sense? I believe that God has allowed me to read about some things that are worth trying. He gives us a peace about certain decisions.
Anyway, just wanted to tell you where we're at. I've cried quite a bit today out of frustration and exhaustion. I'm just not sure where we go next. Right now, I'm not ok with just saying "she may never talk again". I'm trusting that God will allow my baby to talk again. I know it's in His timing and I know I'm just impatient. I'm not angry with God. I don't understand His plan right now, but all I have to cling to is the fact that HE knows and HE'S in control and HE just wants me to trust HIM. (Harder said than done, right?)

Proverbs 3:5,6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.

Comments

  1. Our PagesApril 23, 2010 at 10:10 AM

    Praying for you Melissa!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Isaiah 19April 23, 2010 at 4:25 PM

    Oh friend - praying for you! You are one amazing mama. I can't imagine how hard it would be to be in your shoes right now. Thanks for your example of choosing to trust God even when it is so hard.

    ReplyDelete
  3. NicoleApril 24, 2010 at 8:57 AM

    Praying for you all!! Your attitude is so inspiring. In a world where we tend to want immediate gratification, you show patience and trust in waiting for God's perfect timing. Thank you for the example!

    ReplyDelete
  4. SarahApril 25, 2010 at 3:40 PM

    Oh, Melissa... I can feel your pain just in reading your words. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers, Friend. I know that the Lord will lead you & Keith in making the very best decisions for EK. I am so in awe of your strength and courage. Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. KellyMay 4, 2010 at 7:13 PM

    HI Melissa- This is my first time checking out your blog (I saw Sena's post the other day and decided to check it out,) and I have a whole new appreciation for what your life is like. Do you know how blessed your daughter is to have YOU for a mom? I hope you do. God chose YOU just for HER. He makes no mistakes. He will lead you. And now I know how I can pray. Thank you for sharing so honestly.

    ReplyDelete

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