What a long week!
Most of my friends who have school aged children have been looking forward to their kids being home for the summer. I, on the other hand, hadn't been eagerly anticipating this week. Maybe that's horrible to say, but I'm being honest. EK thrives on routine and I knew that she was going to be pretty unhappy when we didn't get ready to leave the house at 7:50am on Monday morning. I was right! Every morning, after eating breakfast, she got very upset. She KNEW something wasn't right! She didn't want to watch cartoons or play with me. It took about 20 minutes for her to calm down and then she was ok.
Our days were pretty long! Thankfully EK had therapy 4 out of 5 afternoons. That helped break up our day. I know for some of you it sounds crazy b/c your days fly by. For EK, she needs structure. I can work with her part of the day, but if I'm not sitting down with her, she won't engage with toys or activities. Realistically, I can't work with her all day. I have AC to take care of and I have things to do around the house. And, every once in a while, I need a minute to myself! :)
We did go to the playground one morning this week, but it's so HOT here! Our 6th grade (now 7th grade) friend met us at the playground with her mom, older sister, and younger brother. AC LOVED all the attention. They played numerous games of hide and seek. They tried to help with EK, but EK usually got upset if I wasn't right there. It was nice to get out of the house, but even going to the playground isn't a break for me. I have to make sure EK doesn't wander off or eat woodchips. I also need to help her on the equipment. It's good for her to be there and get some exercise, but it's just not easy.
Having a special needs child is never easy. When I dreamed about being a mother, I never envisioned it being this hard. I guess I thought that, with all my babysitting and teaching experience, I'd have the mom thing down pretty well from all the practice with other people's kids. :) Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone and no one understands what I'm going through. I know it's not true b/c I have lots of people praying for me and many willing to help. I am thankful for the other moms I've met who have children with special needs. It is amazing how quickly a friendship develops because of that common link. God has placed some neat women in my life to encourage me and I'm so grateful for that.
But I still have some bad days. That's when I really need to pour my heart out to the Lord and beg for his help. There's no way that I can be a good mom on my own. I get tired and frustrated and impatient. I'm learning that I need to rely on His strength. I'm learning that I need to change my idea of the perfect kids, the perfect family, the perfect life. (Who has that anyway?) I'm learning that this life isn't easy. I know God didn't promise us an easy life but up until a year and a half ago, it was pretty easy. I do know that all this makes me long for Heaven more. A place where my sweet girl will be complete and whole. A place where there will be no more tears or pain. A place where we realize it's all about God. That's the perspective I need to focus on.
Our days were pretty long! Thankfully EK had therapy 4 out of 5 afternoons. That helped break up our day. I know for some of you it sounds crazy b/c your days fly by. For EK, she needs structure. I can work with her part of the day, but if I'm not sitting down with her, she won't engage with toys or activities. Realistically, I can't work with her all day. I have AC to take care of and I have things to do around the house. And, every once in a while, I need a minute to myself! :)
We did go to the playground one morning this week, but it's so HOT here! Our 6th grade (now 7th grade) friend met us at the playground with her mom, older sister, and younger brother. AC LOVED all the attention. They played numerous games of hide and seek. They tried to help with EK, but EK usually got upset if I wasn't right there. It was nice to get out of the house, but even going to the playground isn't a break for me. I have to make sure EK doesn't wander off or eat woodchips. I also need to help her on the equipment. It's good for her to be there and get some exercise, but it's just not easy.
Having a special needs child is never easy. When I dreamed about being a mother, I never envisioned it being this hard. I guess I thought that, with all my babysitting and teaching experience, I'd have the mom thing down pretty well from all the practice with other people's kids. :) Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone and no one understands what I'm going through. I know it's not true b/c I have lots of people praying for me and many willing to help. I am thankful for the other moms I've met who have children with special needs. It is amazing how quickly a friendship develops because of that common link. God has placed some neat women in my life to encourage me and I'm so grateful for that.
But I still have some bad days. That's when I really need to pour my heart out to the Lord and beg for his help. There's no way that I can be a good mom on my own. I get tired and frustrated and impatient. I'm learning that I need to rely on His strength. I'm learning that I need to change my idea of the perfect kids, the perfect family, the perfect life. (Who has that anyway?) I'm learning that this life isn't easy. I know God didn't promise us an easy life but up until a year and a half ago, it was pretty easy. I do know that all this makes me long for Heaven more. A place where my sweet girl will be complete and whole. A place where there will be no more tears or pain. A place where we realize it's all about God. That's the perspective I need to focus on.
You are amazing. Your honesty and your heart... I just love you, sweet friend, and you are constantly on my heart. He redeems it all - our pain, our struggles, our broken hearts, our frustrations. You are an amazing authentic child of God and I love you and miss you!!!
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